Imperfection
by Azalyn Midnight
Summary: Riku's thoughts on what he had done, what's happened to him, what he deserves, what he doesn't, and what will happen to him without that one perfect person that made everything seem so perfect and simple. Takes place shortly after the end of the game.


Imperfection  
  
AN: This is a songfic to AFI's This Time Imperfect. However, the song isn't the main focus of the fic, so if you don't know the song, that's ok. You will still understand the fic. Oh, and the little slashes indicate lyrics. /lyrics/ Thanks ~Azalyn  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not affiliated with AFI, though I wish I was, and unfortunately, This Time Imperfect isn't mine. Kingdom Hearts is clearly not mine either.  
  
"Take care of her..." Those were my last words to you, echoing hauntingly into the darkness...don't let anything hurt her, as I have hurt you both. I can hardly stand it, but there is no escape from this darkness, the darkness presses in on me, my one true prison, keeping me from so much, keeping me from you  
  
/I cannot leave here, I cannot stay.../  
  
Now I can see what I have turned into... How much I have hurt you, and how much more I would... No one can trust me now... Sora, don't ever let me hurt you. I am afraid of what I could have done to you...  
  
/Forever haunted, more than afraid.../  
  
I know that you would never hurt me, even in defense. "Take care of her..." because it's me who she needs protection from. Nothing can protect you from me. What would I say to you, Sora, if I saw you again? How could I even speak to you after all that I have done to you?  
  
/Asphyxiate on words I would say.../  
  
I thought that I was right... how could I have been so blind? So blinded that I couldn't even see how the darkness had consumed me. But the darkness will always swallow the light. The darkness will always be a part of me, and I will follow in its path...until I am destroyed. I will always be drawn to the darkness.  
  
/I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue.../  
  
It cuts me to see what I have done to you, your innocence, ...your light. I am not afraid of the darkness, but have I destroyed all the light? Will I destroy you if I see you again?  
  
/There are no flowers, no not this time.../  
  
It hurt more than anything when you tried to save me from the darkness... from myself? You've condemned me to the darkness by leaving me here, but as long as you are happy, it doesn't matter what happens to me  
  
/There'll be no angels gracing the lines.../  
  
Alone with my thoughts, I realize that I can't live without you. See, really I'm nothing without you. You sheltered me from myself. From the darkness. From my never-ending darkness. But without you, the truth of what I am is tearing me apart  
  
/Just these stark words I find. /  
  
But what tears me apart even more is to know that you are torn apart too. You cared about me even though I never deserved it, and I can't stand to know that you're worrying... I would give anything to tell you that I'm fine, even if it is a lie, but I am powerless as I have always been  
  
/I'd show a smile but I'm too weak.../  
  
With barely the strength to speak, I would use my last words to tell you this, to tell you I'm sorry. Subconsciously hoping that this will somehow reach you, and telling myself that it never will... I'm so sorry, Sora  
  
/I'd share with you could I only speak.../  
  
On one hand, I want to tell you not to worry, to make you happy, to let you be free from me. But the jealous half of me wants to tell you how it hurts me, tell you how I'm torn. I would give anything to say one more word to you  
  
/Just how much this hurts me. /  
  
Now, more than ever, I feel that I can't go on in the dark. But where would I go if I left this place? I don't deserve anything from you after how much I have taken already. I am lost here, but elsewhere, I would be just as lost. I know you would forgive me, but I couldn't stand it  
  
/I cannot stay here, I cannot leave/  
  
I guess that's because I love you, I love you both, but how could I try so hard to destroy you if I loved you this much? Please just ignore me, because my love is not real  
  
/Just like all I loved, I'm make believe/  
  
I wish that I was just a bad dream to you. Please forget me, memories only hurt you more. Sometimes I want to make you hate me, because I'm worse than the heartless. I never had a heart.  
  
/Imagined heart, I disappear/  
  
You made me real. You had a heart big enough for two people. You gave half of your heart to me, but I gave nothing in return, and without you I am fading to nothing... I see now that I have no heart. Only someone with a heart like yours can make me real. If only you were here...  
  
/Seems no one will appear here and make me real/  
  
You would protect me like you did last time... Kind of ironic, seeing that everyone else thought the opposite was true. Including myself, but now I see that I need you to protect me,  
  
/There are no flowers, no not this time; there'll be no angels gracing the lines.../  
  
From the truth and from myself. I wish all of you could see big tough Riku now, you would probably think it was pretty damn funny.  
  
/Just these stark words I find./  
  
No, you probably wouldn't. I'm glad that you can't see me now, because you would care. It would probably hurt you to see me now. You would try to help me. You care too much, Sora. And that's what hurts most is how much you care.  
  
/I'd tell you how it haunts me.../  
  
Would you come save me then? Could you save me then? Sometimes it seems like you can do anything... This is all I ever think about, this is the only thing I can think about...  
  
/I'd tell you how it haunts me (cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams)/  
  
But who am I kidding? I know that there is no way out of here. Not even you could find one. But if only I could see you now...  
  
/I'd tell you how it haunts me (cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams)/  
  
Part of me wants you here now, trapped here as I am. Part of me wants you to suffer to make my suffering less. I know that isn't something I should wish upon a friend, but somehow I can't help it, and somehow, in the back of my mind, I wonder if maybe you really couldn't care less what happens to me. Misery loves company, I guess.  
  
/You don't care that it haunts me. /  
  
So now that I've lost everything that I ever cared about, as little as that was, and now that I've lost everything that ever cared for me, little as I deserved it...  
  
/There are no flowers, no not this time; there'll be no angels gracing the lines.../  
  
Now that what I am has all but destroyed me  
  
/Just these stark words I find/  
  
Now that I can barely even speak these words that I hope somehow will reach you, wherever you are  
  
/I'd share with you could I only speak/  
  
And now that I feel as though I will be destroyed any second, now that I hope to be destroyed /Just how much this hurts me/  
  
It is only now that I see that I deserve this. Destroy me if it will keep me from destroying you. Destroy me so that I cannot destroy you  
  
/Just how much this hurts me/  
  
Because no matter how much I try to hate you, and no matter how much I hurt you, your pain hurts me even more.  
  
/Just how much you/ 


End file.
